Chemo is set

I met with my oncologist today to discuss the chemo regimen and when all of this is going to start.

I am going to be given 4 cycles, each three weeks apart of dostaxal and cyclophosphomide.

These seem to be the lesser of the evils for treating the stage of this particular breast cancer.

Dosataxal seems to be very mild in terms of symptoms. In fact, the oncologist started today by going over all the side effects etc of this drug and I figured she was meaning the two drugs together and I was so happy I figured I was going to slip by with no issues.

Then she started reading off the cyclophosphomide's potential issues. Kind of scary but nothing that really surprised me.

I may loose my hair. It may just thin out for a while. Not sure. My fingernails may start separating from the nail beds (grose) There is a small risk of bladder cancer and or leukemia.

That I find the scariest. Most cancers such as the leukemia that is treatment induced are non curable. They are treatable, but not curable.

This is part of what the problem with me and this chemo has been. Trying to find the right drugs that would have the lowest risk of causing cancer. The risk for the normal person is very, very low, however, I am not normal. Because of my previous cancer, they have been stuck on what to give me not knowing if my odds are the same as everyone else's or a bit higher or a lot higher. There have been no other cases to compare mine to so that kinda sucks.

The oncologist did take her time and really did her research with these drugs. She has spoken to many other oncologists and other professionals who all seem to agree on these two drugs.

I just have to trust them and try not to be so paranoid.

This is kind of hard as some days I write myself off thinking that the tumor was just the beginning of the end. Other days I feel so optamistic and think of myself as being alive years to come.

There is no set time for either the treatment induced cancer to start or my breast cancer to reacure in another organ. One of those things I just have to keep getting checked for and praying that its all gone and nothing will come back.

I would just like to know what's going to happen. Good or bad. I am a need to know person.

So, I start with a chemo orientation which is next week Thursday. The actual chemo then follows the following Thursday. I figured that since its one session every three weeks, I should be finished at the end of October.

I have my school work to take with me while I sit there and have the slurrey pour through my veins. It takes approx. 3 hours.

I am in a way looking forward to this. I am looking forward to getting it over with and then trying to move on. I guess because of the fact this whole ordeal is still being treated, I feel like I am still in the "has cancer" stages of things.

I am scared of this but at the same time happy about it.

I also had another lump that I found in the other breast looked at today. Its hard to say at this point being as pregnant as I am if it is normal or if it is an evil plot put in action from my other breast starting. I am going to have it looked at further even though I was told that the chances of it happening are soo slim (yea where have I heard that one before lol)

Anyways, things are moving along. I am happy for that. I can't wait for the first round to be over so I know what to expect for the rest.