Surgery

After being able to stomach the diagnosis and do a little research etc. I was getting use to the idea about the mastectomy and actually getting a little excited as well. This lump had gotten bigger even since the biopsy a few weeks before and it was hurting. Instead of having to look for it, it was very noticeable even hardly touching where it was. 

I am terrified of cancer and all I could think about is being cancer free and having the malignant lump and any of its little malignant offspring or friends that it potentially made gone and out of my life. 

My moods were up and down. One second I would be very optimistic that the cancer would be completely gone with the mastectomy, the next second I would be worrying that it has spread to my lymph nodes. I still am going through that but I am feeling a bit more confident that it is gone or that if it has spread, it is still very early and I can fight this. 

I was most terrified about the surgery itself. I usually have a little mental fit every time I need blood work, I just couldn't imagine going through a whole surgery removing a body part that I see every day. 

That morning I went to the hospital very nervous. I had a few melt downs while checking in. 

My husband had to do most of the talking. 

The surgery was set for 10:55 am. My family had come to wait with me which helped more than I thought it would. We ended up waiting and waiting, we then found out that the surgery was now scheduled for 12:00 pm. That threw me off, I mentally prepared for the earlier time and did not want to wait, I just wanted it over with. The time seemed to go fast. I was tired as I did not get much sleep the night before. 

I was then called and walked with my husband to the pre op room. A few minutes later I said my good byes to Dave and felt like I was doing the walk of death into the OR. 

I don't know how I did it. I was so scared. I climbed up on the table, lied down, got strapped down and then the anesthetic started going through my system. Last thing I saw was the clock that said 12:07.

I woke up and the first thing I saw was the clock at 2:37. The surgery had ended at 2:30 pm.

All I could think about was the fact it was over and I was very happy.

I had little morphine right after surgery and that was all that I needed. I was told the next morning to take extra strength tylenol although I didn't feel I needed that. 

Anyways, surgery went well, the surgeon said that there were no surprises which makes me believe that the cancer was still in that one area and that the tumor had not grown as much as I thought it had. 

My lymph nodes were taken during surgery as well. Being pregnant, they could not inject the radioactive dye into my system to test the lymph nodes so out they came. One nerve had to be severed in my arm in order to do this. I am slowly getting use to the numbness. Its just a very different feeling. 

I will find out June 10th if there is any sign of the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes. 

One positive piece of information from the pathology report that I keep holding on to is that with the tiny sample they had taken, there appears to be no sign of lymphvascular space invasion was identified in the samples. This so far is a good sign and I hope once they biopsy the rest of the tissue, they find this still to be true. 

Now is the waiting part. I am trying to stay positive and focus on the good points of everything. 

The whole point of the surgery is to remove the cancer. If all has gone the way its supposed to have, I am cancer free. 

Another thing that has helped, is the fact that breasts are a big deal. Having said that I gave one of mine up easy. I know though that breast augmentation/reconstruction is in such high demand and it is becoming like a routine surgery for a lot of plastic surgeons. They have come along way with this type of surgery and can do wonders. 

I had made it clear before surgery that was my goal, to have reconstruction. It helps that I knew before the surgery that I will be meeting with a surgeon within the next few weeks or so. 

Even though I know I wont be able to have surgery for at least 6 months or so, mainly due to the fact that I am pregnant and well, I will have to wait  a while postpartum.

For now I can get fitted with a prosthetic and at least get on with my life and go outdoors and in public. I look forward to getting that taken care of within the next week.